Thud. Thud. Thud. My lungs burned as I forced my feet forward step by step. Focus, Debbie, focus. I tried to distract myself from how painful each breath was becoming by watching my daughter scooter carefree in front of me. She had decided to join me on this Saturday morning jog. Good thing, too. It gave me incentive to keep going because right now, all I wanted to do was give up.
My mind drifted back to the last time I had drug myself out for an early morning jog…hmmm…I think it was a month ago. And I only took one jog. One. The last time I had faithfully jogged was months ago. I kept telling myself it was because I too stressed, too busy, too tired. Life just got in the way, so exercise was the first thing to get cut off of my long to-do list.
It wasn’t always this way. I used to go to the gym or a jog a minimum of four days a week. I used to always eat salad, drink kale juice, and almost never indulged in sugar. Not so for the last <ahem> years. And it showed. Not terribly, but enough to make me frustrated and long for the days when working out was something I looked forward to. Now I dreaded it.
In the midst of burning lungs and willful steps, God spoke into my heart, “It isn’t life’s busyness. It’s your lack of faithfulness. You haven’t achieved your fitness goals because you have not been faithful to them.” OUCH! And yet so true. Now my lungs weren’t the only things on fire.
Searing realization burned through me as I accepted responsibility. I thought, What if God was as faithful to me as I have been to myself? Then the epiphany: it’s only because of God’s faithfulness that I have achieved, accomplished, and grown. Where would I be if God wasn’t so patient and faithful to me? What if He made excuses for being busy with something or someone else like I did to myself? What if He gave up on me like I tend to give up on myself? I haven’t achieved my goals because I lack faithful perseverance. The harsh reality of what would happen if God wasn’t faithful to me was more than I could bear. I had to stop imagining because it would be a lot worse than a few extra pounds and tight clothes.
As I jogged (if you can call it that at this point in the route) on, I found myself praying, Thank You, Jesus, for Your faithfulness. Thank You for never giving up on me. Help me to never give up on myself. Thank You that You continue to persevere in molding me and pushing me toward Your goals for me, which are far greater than any goal I could ever have for myself. Thank You for Your grace.
FINALLY I came to an acceptable end of my jogging route—about two blocks shorter than where I was last month. As I looked up the road at the mailbox where I ended my jogs in the past, I remembered that last time I arrived there I had thought that perhaps I could add distance the next time I jogged. But then my excuses had kicked in and here I was, looking at that mailbox, many steps short.
Faithfulness. It all comes down to choices; small, daily decisions that add up to big changes in growth and achievements. So the next time I want to pass up a workout, just one, I have to remember that it’s those small acts that make all the difference. I can choose to be a faithful runner for God AND a faithful runner in my neighborhood or local park. How about you? What small daily decisions can you make that will create a big change in your life?