Love Self-control Part 2

Last post I talked about how important self-control is, and why instead of dreading it, we should embrace it. Self-control, after all, protects us, our relationships, and helps us achieve our visions and goals.

Today, I was thinking about how to get more self-control. Yes, we can absolutely grow in this, and other godly attributes, as we abide in Christ through prayer, Bible study, and godly fellowship, but is there more? What are some real, every day, practical steps we can take to develop a greater degree of self-control in in our lives so we can better represent Jesus to those around us?

Well, to begin, we can take a look at our self-talk, or the things we tell ourselves about ourselves. I have personally found it easiest to tune into these thoughts as I’m drifting off to sleep or just waking up. Perhaps it’s because my centers of logic are largely turned off in these moments which allows my subconscious to drift up toward the surface of my awareness. Another time is when I have higher levels of emotion. Now, this is a little trickier for me, as the subsurface, illogical thought processes tend to be at the fringe and a bit slippy when I try to grab a hold of them, but with practice, I’ve found that I can often tap into my subconscious self-talk after the bigger emotional experience and distraction has waned.

So, once we figure out how to tune into our self-talk, what in particular are we looking for in order to develop more self-control? Our beliefs about self-control, namely, “Do I believe I am able to maintain self-control?” Studies have shown that if we believe we are able to maintain self-control, we are significantly more likely to do so. One step toward greater self-control is to tune into our belief system (our real belief system and not the one we think we should have) and attune it in a positive direction, one that leads to empowerment not defeat.

Another strategy to increase self-control is to establish routines. The idea is that we aren’t relying on our self-control system for things like exercise, cleaning, or cooking, we will have more self-control in the bank for things like conflicts with coworkers, family members, or friends. So, we can choose one area, perhaps going to the gym before/after work, and diligently use our self-control to get there. However, after a couple of weeks, a new habit is formed. Once we get to habit-level, we no longer need to rely as heavily on our self-control bank. This will free up mental and emotional energy for other areas in our lives.

A third strategy we can implement is meditation. The self-control loop in our brain is very interesting. It’s been found that if we experience something negative (like a bad news phone call or a long, stressful work day) and then need to make a self-control withdrawal, our brain will route this withdrawal through the amygdala, or autobrain. Kind of like going to the ATM instead of a teller for cash. The problem is, our centers of logic aren’t naturally as connected to autobrain and therefore, we have less control and options to our disposal in these moments. This is why we may be snippier or downright nasty in these situations. Meditation, however, lessens the autobrain connection to the areas of automatic control (aka fight-or-flight) and enhances its connection to the centers of logic and control. God has given us the tool of meditation to help us manage this autobrain self-control routing pattern. When we incorporate meditation into our daily routines, especially when we meditate on Scripture, it gives us a better chance of maintaining control in the heat of the moment. Personally, I’ve found that meditating on verses that speak to the opposite of whatever I’m struggling with are the most effective. For example: anger/peace, fear/love, doubt/faith, and heaviness/praise.

A final strategy we can use is avoidance—or FLEE as the Bible says. It’s no secret to those who know me that ice cream and chocolate are my downfalls (see my belief system right there? I don’t believe I can stop myself from eating these things, and guess what? Every time they’re in the house, I eat them). So, when I’m really dedicating myself to a healthier lifestyle, these items simply cannot be in the house. If I know that being in a certain situation, around a certain crowd, or watching/listening to certain material will cause me to struggle and stumble, I need to remove myself in any way possible. There may be times where full removal isn’t possible, but in these situations especially, remember that God’s grace is MORE than enough for EVERY SINGLE situation and empowers us to grow, change, and conquer.

          God’s grace, it’s more than enough to overcome any weakness or mountain in our lives. Yes, we can partner together with God to see real, positive changes in our lives by using tools available to us, but we can also have confidence that we aren’t alone. God Himself is working together with us, from inside us, at the same time! And in Christ, I can do all things (Philippians 4:13, KJV).

          Thank You, Jesus, for Your empowering grace in our lives. Thank You for the tools You’ve given us to enable us to effectively colabor with You as You work in our lives and hearts. I pray for Your wisdom this week as I take steps to align myself with Your ways and Your heart, specifically in the area of self-control. Amen.

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