In the last post, I invited you into my
meandering thoughts on retributive justice vs. restorative justice and how I
need to trust that God’s got this. Even when I don’t understand, even when I’m hurt, even when I’m angry. He’s got this. Every single time, He’s
got this.
Recently, God challenged me and my sense
of justice in a very practical way. I was in the car, driving to
who-knows-where with one of my kids in the car. The conversation was…well…not
going in a super positive direction. Oh, I could feel it. Her anger. My anger.
Both of us struggling to control the churning and burning that was threatening
to erupt over onto the other person. Then it happened.
Maybe it was the tone that was used.
Maybe it was the content. Realistically, it was probably both. Something was
said (and I honestly don’t remember what it was anymore), but it definitely
fell into the “needs to be parented” category. And I didn’t erupt. (YAY! And
for the record, I’m not trying to toot my horn, I’m just hoping that this can
inspire someone that if you keep pursuing God’s work in your life, God can
build enough grace and patience in you that you can do it too.)
No eruption, but you better believe my
head was FILLING with all kinds of fantastic consequences to bring correction
to this problem that was glaring me in the face. Actually, she was quite literally
glaring at me. So was the heart issue manifested through the behavior. As my
idea-o-matic brain was ramping up into rapid-fire mode, the Holy Spirit gave me
a nudge that pulled the emergency brake. A little nudge that created a screech
that is still resounding in my heart as I write this over a month after the
incident.
Are
those punishments sourced from retribution or restoration? Are you simply
looking for a way to make your anger and hurt feel better and calling it
parenting, or are you really seeking My heart for guidance to bring restoration [correction,
alignment, and wholeness] to your
daughter?
OUCH! He was right, of course. My
idea-o-matic brain had generated multiple ideas of “appropriate” punishments—appropriate
by society’s standards—that were really stemming from a personal perceived need
to bring some sort balance back to my own
emotional state without giving thought to what my daughter’s heart needed
to be guided into God’s ways. YIKES! This
not only pulled the e-brake on my idea generator, it zapped the anger out of my
heart (thank You, Jesus!). Talk about repentance. Right there in the car. Still
driving down the road.
It took time. It took prayer. It took
waiting. It took Holy Spirit guidance because only He truly knows her heart,
just as He is the only One Who truly knows my heart and what we both need to
grow into God’s version of ourselves. But He did release wisdom and
understanding to help me guide my daughter in not just a positive way, but in
God’s way.
Whether we’re interacting with our
children, spouses, other family members, coworkers, communities, or just
ourselves, only God knows what each heart needs to unlock that U-turn that
brings His justice—restorative—which ultimately results in transformation and wholeness.
So my takeaway challenge from this? Don’t assume we can just come up with the
best action plan but instead stop, pray, and listen. Why? Because God’s got
this. He’s the only One Who does.