In the last post, I shared how I learned to see prophetic burden bearing as a gift and not as…well…a burden. Today I’m going to bare my heart a little bit and share a more recent story of my journey as a burden bearer. It is my prayer that my story encourages fellow burden bearers in their growth journeys (and helps those close to them who are NOT burden bearers understand them a little bit more).

As I said, this story is a bit more recent, so I was not new to the concept of being prophetic or a burden bearer. I had already received years of intensive training and mentoring plus attended conferences and read stacks of books on operating in the prophetic and prophetic ministry. I do not say this to toot my horn in any way, but simply to highlight one fact: reading stacks of books and even going through years of intensive training cannot always prepare you for everything you encounter. There are somethings you just have to learn by living.

It came on me insidiously. It was small at first, almost imperceptible. I mistakenly thought I had offended a few people in my life and reached out. Each time the message was clear: Everything is fine, don’t worry.

Hmmmm…that’s a bit strange; same mistake in perception, more than once with more than one person. I shrugged it off and focused on my job, family, and ministry. Then it shifted.

Again, it was tricky. Some things happened that were hurtful, and I felt rejected. (I should probably mention here that I’m pretty mooshy inside, so…this hurt…a lot.) I chose to stand in grace and forgiveness and trust the Lord. But…

I felt rejected. And I should probably also mention that at the time these events happened I had unrealized (and therefore unresolved) wounds from my past involving rejection. So, I didn’t just feel a little bit of rejection, I felt A WHOLE LOT.

I struggled. For MONTHS I struggled. Yes, I chose forgiveness. Yes, I chose to bless that person. Yes, I chose grace. Yes, I chose to trust the Lord, but oh, how I hurt. I wanted to crawl away and disappear. But, I also loved God too much to be disobedient, so, I attempted to toe the line of my faulty default of invisibility while also being obedient to stand where God told me to stand and do what God told me to do. IT WAS REALLY HARD! (And for the record, it also doesn’t work out too well. I don’t recommend it.)

Then it happened. Breakthrough healing from God’s heart to mine. That’s when I had a realization. A realization that started with a whisper.

There are people struggling with rejection here.

What? Isn’t that just me, God?

You think so? And He proceeded to highlight multiple people in the room who were struggling with rejection. He also showed me what looked like a twisting path through the room, indicating the presence of a spirit of rejection, a spirit that was looking for a way “in” to thwart the things that God wanted to do.

It was a huge aha! moment. I nearly missed a key prophetic insight, insight that was meant to bring healing into specific minds and hearts AND insight for intercession to cancel the enemy’s assignment against the work God wanted to do. I nearly missed it entirely because I had had festering wounds from my remote and recent past that interacted with the burden bearing which had in turn caused such a huge emotional response, I couldn’t discern between what was me and what was prophetic.

I share this story for two reasons (or maybe three):

1.     If you are a burden bearer, you NEED to be aware of festering wounds and bitter roots that may be in your heart. Not only will the enemy capitalize on these in an attempt to take you out, but they can also cause you to miss key insights for breakthrough and kingdom advancement in people’s lives and in ministries because burden bearing can bare your heart in ways you never considered. Go to the Lord, and He will reveal these areas to you, each in their time. Get Christ-centered inner healing ministry for true transformative healing work in your heart. There are many ministry options available, including Elijah House, Restoring the Foundations, and Cleansing Streams. If needed, you can also get counseling for strategies you can use during the uprooting and healing process. The two, inner healing and counseling, can be complementary and powerful.

2.     If you are close to a burden bearer—PLEASE be patient. Remember, I said this whole process of discovery took MONTHS. It took even more time AFTER the discovery for uprooting and healing. My husband’s shoulder got wet more times than I care to remember (or share) through this process. He patiently helped to shoulder the emotional burden, prayed with me, encouraged me, and kept pointing me back to Jesus and God’s mission. Know that God is faithful AND WILL DO THE HEALING WORK as the person close to you pursues Him.

3.     For both of the above parties: IT DOES GET BETTER! I promise. Always remember Philippians 1:6, “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.”

Praise God for His faithfulness and love and power to heal and transform us! I pray my soul-baring story encourages you. Keep going. Keep digging into the Word and diving deeper into His presence, letting His truth soak into your soul. Keep sharing His love and messages from His heart as He gives them. Don’t toe the line between invisibility and obedience, and don’t get stuck in the seductive trap of anger and offense. Bless God by trusting Him enough to strengthen you and shield you as you pursue Him and His mission for your life to bring His hope, joy, and love to those around you.