In the last post, I shared an experience that was…memorable. Since that time, I’ve circled around the thoughts Why? and How can this be used for growth and edification?
One of the aspects of that midnight memory that really stuck out to me was that despite posturing myself before the Lord when that thought was planted into my mind, it STILL interrupted the prophetic dream God was giving me. It wasn’t a thought from me; it turned out to be dragon bait. How many times do we fall for it? How many times do we allow those thought plants to take root and unintentionally feed into dragon bait? I’m sure too many to count, but as these thoughts percolated in my mind, I had another one How can we stop falling for it?
I won’t pretend to have an exhaustive list here; I’m sure others could add many more, as I am sure I will be able to in the future as time and experience allow. But I wanted to at least get something down in one place because sometimes these things can be sneaky and the slope is very very slippery.
First of all, since I sensed that the dragon fed on offense and hate, I am defining dragon bait as anything that pulls us into that mindset. These can be tricky because sometimes there is a piece of truth in the offense, but what I have found is that I still have a responsibility. Someone else’s human error or frailty does not give me a license to sound off about how I’ve been wronged or what a nasty person he/she is (aka judge them). We are ALL human and only God is perfect and only God is judge. Only. So, yes, we may correctly perceive a piece of truth regarding someone else’s misstep within an offense and have a negative emotional and psychological reaction (haven’t we all?) but, through God’s grace, we are able to take a totally different posture than our human nature would lend itself to.
That piece of truth, though, it can be sticky, right? It wriggles around and can pierce us deeply. Let’s say we were falsely accused of wrongdoing and wrongful allegations came against our character and intentions. The piece of truth that their human misperceptions caused a judgment and hurtful actions against us HURTS! And potentially very badly if that person happens to be a friend. But does that give me a right to camp out in offense? Even if attempts to correct a human error fall to the ground in futility?
Well…technically…we can camp out there. But then we just fed into dragon bait. Is there a way out? How? I’ll share with you what I’ve learned from my journey and pray that it inspires and encourages you.
First, I NEED to recognize that I am human too, and that my human frailties are equal in the eyes of God to someone else’s. I can choose to refuse my own self-righteous, ego-building tendencies that might make me feel better momentarily (but are really a TRAP for MORE dragon bait!! SO BE CAREFUL!) and choose to instead focus on the utter purity of God’s holiness. Next to His holiness, my self-righteous ego building is…well…very ugly (as it should be). When I focus on God’s holiness and purity, inevitably, within His presence is ALSO compassion, kindness, and grace; it is precisely a steely focus on THAT that empowers me to make a God choice, not a me choice. So, FIRST I can choose my focus and HOLD ONTO it to the end.
Second, I begin to dissect the anatomy of WHY I am hurt. Are the other person’s words and actions hitting any underlying heart issues or wounds? Perhaps there are areas in my heart that aren’t firmly rooted in God’s truth and I’m unknowingly believing lies. Lies that undermine my revelation of identity in Christ, cause negative emotional flare-ups (which make things feel really big even if they aren’t), put me into a place of fear, or attack my hope. Or maybe this yicky issue is causing me to go into self-defense mode, which is really another way of saying it’s rocking my faith. The Bible says that God is my Defender and Shield and that all vengeance is His, so if I find myself trying to find ways to vindicate myself and retreat or lash out in self-defense, I have just then found that my faith is in me and not in God. Ouch!
After I (sometimes painfully) dissect the anatomy of why I am spinning out, I go into action mode. Sure, maybe their choice is wrong, but I can trust in God to make something good and right even out of a wrong. I can then see this as a place to let God polish me so His glory shines rather than as a place where I fall into the dragon bait trap. Even if the situation has human error written into it, I can still use it as an opportunity to do some deep, hard heart work.
Notice the FOCUS: What heart work can God do in ME not the other person? I am NOT responsible to create change in another person, only God is. We cannot get these roles mixed up; just my own history with tripping up in this area shows every single instance getting filed under ERROR. Again, slippery and tricky, but choosing a self-for-Jesus PERSONAL transformation is crucially constructive; choosing to whack someone else on the head with our opinion of what they should be doing to fix their lives teeters—or plummets directly to—destructive. Of course, there are instances where this may be necessary such as in leadership or accountability circles or counseling situations, but again, this territory should be tread in GRACE, KINDNESS, PATIENCE, and God’s wisdom so there can be unity, freedom, and blessing and should not be our go-to (if it is, I highly caution that there is potentially a root of self-righteousness and blindness; God delights in FREEDOM and LOVE for mutual edification, not mutual whacks).
Ok, getting back to self-for-Jesus transformative heart work. What can that look like on a practical level? If God shows me that I’m believing lies, first I go to the Bible. What does the Scripture say? I can choose to refuse the lie and intentionally exchange it for God’s truth. I can also ask God to speak His truth to that lie (VERY powerful, if you haven’t tried it, I highly recommend it!) so I can live in freedom and emotional healing rather than bondage. I can also see this as an opportunity to deepen my trust and faith in the Lord. I can seek Him for a greater revelation of His love for me and who I am in Him and of His greatness and goodness. I can ask Him to help me see others the way He does so I can more easily conduct myself with grace and honor and exchange any of my judgments (sometimes known as strong opinions) for His mercy and His thoughts. If the offense wants to keep circling back around after I’ve chosen forgiveness and grace, I rebuke it and break off agreement with offense and start to make declarations in line with God’s hope and salvation (they are our helmet! See 1 Thes. 5:8 and Eph. 6:17).
Bottom line: I cannot change someone else. It isn’t my job, it’s God’s. But I can allow God to change me and grow me, imprinting His character deeply into my life. Have I been wronged? Who hasn’t? Will it happen again? Most likely. Do I have a choice in how I respond? Every time. I can choose to allow God’s grace to shine brightly through me or offense to burn hotly. I can choose to allow Him use someone else’s human words or actions as an opportunity to show the Jesus kind of love and be imprinted with His character, or I can become entangled in the snare of hurt, anger, and unforgiveness. One is freedom, strength, and beauty, the other is bondage, destruction, and is, quite frankly, ugly. We have a choice and the supernatural power of the Holy Spirit and His grace within us to make it. So the next time you’re faced with dragon bait—toss it into the abyss where it belongs.