THE FLATTERY COUNTERFEIT
Wow, you look so nice today! Sounds like a compliment, right? Compliments are nice, I mean, who doesn’t like a little confidence booster here and there? But what if…
It’s actually not a compliment? What if there was a different—hidden—agenda behind those sweet-sounding strings of words? What if they were instead—
flattery? Flattery and words of encouragement just might sound the same on the surface. You are amazing at that! That’s the best <project> I’ve seen yet! Could these phrases represent a genuine heart to encourage and genuine perceptions? Maybe. But maybe not.
Flattery can be so slippery, so sneaky and can be harder to distinguish from genuine words of encouragement than we might initially think, especially if our hearts are carrying hidden wounds that soak up syrupy sweet words faster than a dry sponge absorbs water in a kitchen sink. What’s the harm in flattery? Can’t it be a good thing? I mean, who doesn’t want to hear complimentary words?
The problem is that flattery isn’t just a compliment or an encouragement. A genuine compliment gives a person a nice little zippy boost for the day. While a quick compliment about an outfit or a dish you prepared is nice, a word of encouragement goes deeper. A word of encouragement is something a person can go back to again and again as they take anxiety-producing steps forward into new adventures in their lives. Words of encouragement can also pick people up out of the muck of hopelessness and give them the strength to keep going for another day then another and another. But flattery? It’s not designed to do any of that.
Flattery doesn’t look to pep the other person up. It doesn’t look to build them up either. Flattery actually isn’t about the other person—at all. At its root, flattery is all about the person uttering the “compliment” because ultimately, flattery is nothing more than ulterior motives cloaked in syrupy sweet words that are often over-the-top and vague. It’s manipulation with a smile and as fake as it can get. And if it’s found out, wowzas! Talk about hurt and forget about building. Flattery is far more likely to end with implosions and explosions.
If we’re going to live in honor with one another, we have to live in a way that builds others up, we have to offer words of encouragement and real compliments. Fake has to be left behind in order for us to live in authentic community, a community that seeks growth both individually and together. In an authentic, growth-oriented community, flattery simply has no place. So as we go about our days, we can sift our own hearts to see if:
We have eyes to see the treasure that God put in those around us or if we are too self-focused to truly appreciate the value that others bring
We are offering genuine words that are seeking others’ best or if we are offering sweet-sounding words in order to get a boomerang benefit back to ourselves
We are carrying deeply rooted lies or soul wounds that would make us susceptible to inauthentic sweet-sounding words that lack true substance OR
We are carrying deeply rooted lies or soul wounds that prevent us from receiving genuine compliments and words of encouragement.
Bottom line: As people called to live lives of honor, speaking pep-you-up compliments and build-you-up words of encouragement and avoiding shallow, self-based flattery is crucial. Sifting our hearts and moving in discernment while remaining rooted in God-sourced love is key to continuing to press into a lifestyle of honor while avoiding well-cloaked counterfeits.