Fault–finding vs fathering. I just saw this on a social media post, and was like, Yes! SO GOOD!
There is a key difference between fault-finding and fathering (or spiritually parenting) someone. Does spiritual parenting involve addressing issues? Of course! ALL parenting does that! But fathering and mothering is SO MUCH MORE.
When we fault-find, that IS the end game. Finding faults. And…um…that isn’t hard. Or beneificial. For anyone. For the person, it’s discouraging or maybe even depressing. For the fault-finder, it can feed pride and offense. Division is the end result of fault-finding, and what’s worse, it is it SO EASY to find faults with anyone or anything. We live in a broken world, guys! To be honest, if you find five faults with me, I can probably offer you about 50 more. But fault-finding is NOT parenting.
When parenting, we don’t just see faults, we see opportunities for growth. When parenting we move away from character accusations and past fault-finding lenses that are rooted in our own character deficits, wounds, and fears. We move past that into true love, a love that doesn’t see fault but potential.
Parenting involves coming alongside another person, linking arms with them, and lifting them up. Fault-finding? It creates an ever-growing divide, fed by finger-pointing. Parenting involves building another person, building their character, building their gifts, building them into their fullest potential. Fault-finding? It tears down time and time again.
Parenting involves SACRIFICE and INTERCESSION. It involves embracing the person in every part of their journey, which often involves going into woundedness and seeking healing. This can get sticky and messy. For both. But a parent doesn’t run away when it gets hard; they go to their knees. It involves celebrating when they overcome, really celebrating, and not just going through the motions through clenched hearts and gritted teeth, wishing you were the one.
Parenting is about the journey. It’s about building in hard seasons and “easy” ones. It’s about encouragement and hard questions. It’s about cheerleading always and prods when necessary. It’s about really and truly doing life together. There is nothing harder and nothing greater. After all, to press into spiritual parenting is to mirror God our Father to each other; He is the Father of us all.